Tuesday, June 7, 2011

The Secret To Changing Your Life...

...there is no secret. You just make the decision that you are going to change something in your life, or your entire life as you know it. And then you do it. Just like if you decide that you want to get from Houston to Dallas, or Los Angeles to New York. You won't get there by sitting on your couch and hoping it happens.

As such, I've gotten off the couch and started my journey. I'm over weight. I have been for many years. Food has been my addiction of choice. I have lost over 60 pounds since my highest weight. I've been stuck at that loss when I need to lose another 60-90 pounds. I was satisfied at being chunky and obeses, but not terribly obese. Not any more. I have started walking every day. Every. Single. Day. No excuses for me. Not any more. It's one day at a time, one step at a time. But I will get to where I'm going eventually.

Saturday, May 21, 2011

I Felt So Alive For The Very First Time

He's gone. Not that he was ever mine. No, he was never really mine. He belonged to his wife and kids. He belonged to others, too. We had stolen moments together. Each day, a half hour, an hour, sometimes more. Perhaps to him it was just time away from his normal routine. To me it was excitement, knowledge, experience...he was someone I should never know in a personal, intimate way. He was too young, taken, and more often than not, not interested in me in the same way.http://www.blogger.com/img/blank.gif

I can't explain it to myself, to him, or to my friends. Why did I want to be with him no matter the cost? Some would say the time was wasted and futile. I didn't care. I don't care now. Every moment I spent with him, even the low points that included fighting and exasperated tears, made me feel alive. I would do anything for him. But life has a way of making choices for you. And so he had to move. It had to be that. I would have never given up that feeling. So he took it with him in his pocket when he drove away to his new life. What I want to know is, is that feeling gone forever? Is that overwhelming feeling of excitement, happiness, contentment, and feeling ALIVE gone with him forever? Does it exist inside of me somewhere or did it originate with him and now it's gone???